My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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