there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
