So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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