the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
