Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
