I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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