He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
