yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
