day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
