I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
