They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
