look no pants
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
