god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
