I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
