I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
