Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
