'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
