I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
