So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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