i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
