Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
