im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
