he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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