he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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