why didn't you poke me back
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
