the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
