i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
