She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
