this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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