I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
