i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize