I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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