Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
