Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
