who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
