They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's rum buckets o'clock
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
