oh god the rape fog is back!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
