i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
