I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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