I am puke
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
