WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Pooping to opera.
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