I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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