So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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