We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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