I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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