I just made out with a guy for $7.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
