this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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