The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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