The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
