You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
