he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
