just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
