Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
