he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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