worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
