She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
