I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
