update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
