I heard we made out
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
