you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
