That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
