Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
