i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize