dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
