Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize