You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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