My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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