You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
