Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
