I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
