either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize