I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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