Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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