I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
