He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
