I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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