Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize