i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
