Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Christians are straight up FREAKS
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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