you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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